His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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