I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
