remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
