I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
