I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
