I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
