If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
