I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
