The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
