i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
