ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The feeling are messing with the penis
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
