My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
