Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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