we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
