I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
