It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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