I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
