Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
