she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
