I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
