so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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