i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
