what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
