he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
