I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
