ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
