hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
