Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
