Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
