So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
