If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
