maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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