my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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