I wish my penis had an off switch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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