Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
