yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
