I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
