What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
