I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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