i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
