the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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