Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
