my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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