thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
