He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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