Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
