is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is Oprah even human
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
