"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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