That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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