there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
