How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
