your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
