Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
