her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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