Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
did i just pee glitter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
