i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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